I was SO Deceitful.

“I used to be deceitful; used to, like yesterday. Within one day my mindset changed and gave me the freedom to live in my truth.Despite what it looked like I vowed to my spirit that I would be true to it’s truth. True to who I am. What I want. How I live. It took years

to dig up the courage to show the world my stretch marks and scars. The most imperfect parts of me dangling in the public because THAT is what people need to see

We hide our precious truth because it often conflicts with the standards of others

Conflicts with the desires of those we love.

So instead. We live in deceit.

We wrestle with whether we’re good enough to be completely ourselves and still maintain sanity and love

I used to be deceitful. Used to like yesterday. The outside looked polished while my insides: in disarray. Keeping up with the lies. Omitting the facts. Hiding my phone. Deleting my lines. Changing my mind over and over.

Should I live my unpopular, undesired, potentially harmful truth? Or continue to live in the shadow of a facade just to keep peace?

Will love hate me when I choose to tell the truth? Will my truth be my demise? Ruin my life?

Am I bold enough to take the chance? Simply so that my life is consistent with my spirit?

Yes. And one day at a time I live In my truth.

I used to be deceitful, used to, like yesterday,

but these days I flow further and further away from who I used to be

To be the true me.”

I wrote that the day after I made the decision to tell the truth about something I had been hiding from someone I love. For months, I was living a life that was deceitful and I finally got to the point where I was sick and tired of living a lie. I was sick and tired of living a life that I had to hide.  For the past two years I’ve felt very strongly that I was expected to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I’ve felt as if it was more than just a commandment; it was a calling. Even if that truth exposed things about myself that were private and unpopular, I had to be the truth that I was created to be. Once I had that moment of being fed up, I made the decision to live my truth no matter what.   A lot of times, we live a lie because we’re afraid that if we live our truth in the light, we won’t be accepted or loved. We fear that the people around us would shun us. People would say they couldn’t love us anymore. Or that they can’t hang out with us anymore. And this may be true. But I had to take the first step into living true even if that meant that I was called a liar. Even if that meant that I was shunned. Even if my husband declared that he no longer wanted to be with me. I had to own what I knew to be true even if it was wrong in the eyes of everyone.

I’ve also realized that me deciding to be honest about where and who I am, doesn’t mean that I should stay there. It means that I’m honest about the decisions that I’ve made and I’m willing to face the consequences and repercussions of those actions. Lies only delay your demise. Lies create a distorted perception of life and create stress for yourself. Telling the truth about your life, your desires, your decisions is the only way to get to a place of purity and true contentment. And then, once you’ve made the decision to be honest about who you are and where you are, you have another decision to make. If you truly believe that this truth is where you are supposed to be, then you have to live in it. If you are too afraid to live in it, then you have to be OK with letting it go.

I used to be deceitful; used to, like yesterday. Because it felt like my only option. I wanted the life that I was hiding, so I just kept hiding it. But then I realized, that hiding it meant that I wasn’t being true to myself. And even though I loved what I wanted, I realized that love does not celebrate deceit. Love revels in truth. It encourages truth. No matter how much that truth hurts.
Be honest about where you are and who you are. Find the courage within yourself to either be honest about the way you’re living or stop living that way. Either way, live in truth.

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About me

Ifie Natasha

Ifie Natasha is a writer, artreprenuer and soul care enthusiast with a passion for telling stories, building communities and exploring creativity.

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