Forward

Forward. A progressional movement towards change and succession /Regression hinders the process of movement though it soothes those of us who fear Moving. 

Losing sight of my goals I often cower in the shadows of lies just to remind myself that forward holds danger/Fear of rejection and loss/

Fear that the unknown will cost me my comfort /I’ve often become comfortable in being complacent

Statements from others had fueled my rational for not being brave 

For staying the same /For forgetting the name that God gave me / Like Saul and Jacob He’s changing who I call myself

Unworthy. Not good enough. Conformist, Heart full of lust /But. I was calling myself impostor while simultaneously calling God a liar

Because he said I’m worthy. Revolutionary. Changed and amazing /Faithful, beautiful and called for a purpose

He wouldn’t have placed me in this earth if I wasn’t worth it

It’s an upward battle on a slippery mountain called faith /Whether I press forward or regress, I’m choosing my fate

Every day I wake up with a choice to make. Every day we wake up with a choice to make.

Forward. Complacency. Or regression. 

Like an entree on a plate, What we choose is what we eat/ What we eat, we ingest/What we ingest, we become

And I promise that I’m preaching to my own flesh with every line of this poem 

I’ve been scared to write spoken word for the fear that I would fail.  Scared that I wouldn’t get the reward so I stopped being myself

But a woman moving forward with the purpose in her heart, Requested that I write it and In return challenged me to start being me

And stop being afraid. Start believing who I am, Stop calling myself those names/ Start moving up to faith, Stop hanging onto pain

Your name, is also changing /From what you’ve been calling yourself 

Lame. Unable. Too old. Unstable. Not pretty. Unworthy. An object…dirty 

You are also on an upward battle on a slippery mountain 

And we have to ask ourselves, What do I benefit myself if I stay here? What did God promise me if I live in fear?

Two questions, same answer. Not a thing. 

As God moves us forward, his love comes with us / No promises of ease but a promise that we’re victors

Enlisters in a never failing army of Invictus

Unconquered. Unsubdued. Invincible  people /  Unbothered by perceptions from trivial people

So let’s move forward.

A progressional movement towards change and succession / Beauty unfolded within a series of lessons

 Embracing a new reality as we step in The sea of uncertainty and faith

Keeping our eyes fixated on Gods face And before we know it, we’ll have made our way

Forward

moving-forward

I wrote this poem about two weeks ago. My mentor requested that I write and share a poem about moving forward at her More than Music event (check http://cdbaby.com/cd/tennillekennedy for her music). I shared that poem last Friday and since then, it’s felt like I’ve battled with a stream of taxing emotions stemming from isolated situations in my life. From one day to another, I’ve been tested by the words in the poem that I wrote. I’ve been challenged in the area of moving forward. This entire week, I’ve been discombobulated and while I desire to walk around with a smile, every time I try, it seems like I’m presented with one more thing to be sad about. One more worry, one more heartbreak and for some reason, it’s been extremely hard to bounce back. Today, I decided to write about it. Crying out to God asking Him to help me move forward. I’ve put off my projects, neglected my daily writing and occupied myself with cleaning and rearranging my home (because that usually makes me feel better). But this time, nothing has been working. I’ll find myself happy for about 30 minutes and then the smallest thing will swing me back into a sea of emotions that drag me deeper and deeper into sadness. I can admit that I’m sure pregnancy hormones are playing a part but I also know that I have enough power and control to where emotions shouldn’t fully consume me. Today, as I wrote, God reminded me of the poem that I wrote. He reminded me of my words and as I began to think of them, I couldn’t help but smile. Whether these incidents that caused my sadness are valid or not, I still have a choice to make everyday. I can either move forward, stay complacent, or regress.

I’m realizing that moving forward does not mean that I’m completely healed from my pain or completely oblivious to my worries. It just means that despite what I am dealing with, I choose to still be me. I choose to still go forward with my projects and remain productive. I choose not to let depression become my reality or close myself off to people that love me. I choose not to engage in the pity party that has been emerging or think myself to death. Moving forward can feel so hard when you feel like you are carrying a ton of bricks. However, something tells me that I don’t have to walk around with those bricks. I can set them down and ask God to help me get rid of them. Help me stay focused in my journey of moving forward. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. And even the reality of it has contributed to my inability to move. My thoughts have kept me stagnant as I’ve been reflecting on my pain over and over. But I’m being reminded that I can’t stay here. I have to move forward. So that’s what I plan to do, starting now.

Lets move forward.