These are a few of my sisters. Beautiful inside and out. Flawed. Talented. Loyal. Loving. Motivating. Different. Each one of the women pictured above have their own special stories of how we met and stayed friends. We all have a unique presence when we walk into a room. Our laughs are different and we are shaped uniquely. We don’t even like the same things. But we’re sisters. One of my greatest passions and goals in life is to see women come together in a way that we’ve never come together before. I hate to see women in the mall cutting eyes at one another. Or arguing over a man, or whose clothes are nicer than who’s. We are so much better than that.
One of my favorite phrases used to be “I just don’t get along with females” and as I hear it from other women all the time; I’ve observed a few things:
1. Some of those women are insecure. I used to be this woman. I was so insecure about myself that being around other women compelled me to compare myself to them. It made me feel like we were automatically in competition with one another. Growing up, I was always called dark and the tone in which it was spoken had a negative connotation attached to it. Consequently, my comparison to lighter skinned females began. Women with more “attractive” body types became my enemy. Women that were assertive and able to speak their mind with no problem made me feel weak. And eventually, I just “didn’t get along with [any] females”. Being around men was just more comfortable for me because though they were not a moral improvement, they weren’t my competition.
2. Some women have had bad experiences with other women. I’ve been this woman as well. Faulty relationships. Women choosing a man over a friend. Women not being honest in the friendship to the point where she’s the one your man is cheating with. DRAMA. Gossip, he say she say mess that divides a community no matter who is in it. I know a woman that is living her life with a central goal of being stress free. Even the slightest drama around her drives her into a place of isolation simply because she can’t tolerate it in her life. Not only are women more prone to be dramatic, but it’s a stigma that has been placed on us and perpetuated over time. I was recently speaking to a group of women that were experiencing a serious gossip situation; I explained that as women, [especially black women] we have to learn how to communicate with each other. Our response to things doesn’t have to look the way it’s expected to look! We can be cordial, calm and logical when having volatile conversations about a matter.
3. I’m sure there is a third group out there somewhere that has their own excuses as to why they “don’t like women”. Maybe they grew up with a lot of boys around them. Or they don’t feel like they fit in with the women that are in their vicinity.
Whatever the reason, I am here to dispel the myth that women can’t get along! Especially black women. I’ve been blessed to accrue a community of supportive, beautiful, loving, smart, talented, motivating black women that are NOT connected to one another. I have several different pockets of sisters but they are all connected to me. In 2010, I literally started over when it came to friendships (aside from a few loyal friends!). Almost every person in the above picture, became my friend in 2010 or AFTER. I continuously met groups of women that were willing to accept me for me and grow in love and relationship with one another. I’m not saying that we’ve never had drama, or gossip or even bad experiences; those will always be present. What makes the difference is the way that we approach the situation. Friendships are not always easy. When interacting with humans, we automatically put ourselves in a place to be disappointed or faced with conflict. How we handle those situations will either build a stronger foundation for our sisterhood or destroy it. Sister hood is REAL.
This is my last story, I promise. And to be honest I struggled heavily on whether or not I should even share it but that’s what I do; I share the hard, crazy stuff. Over the last few years, I had an experience with my husbands ex girlfriend of almost 4 years. Initially, we didn’t get along very well yet strangely, over time, we were able to form an amicable relationship. I’m not saying that we became best friends or had sleepovers while sipping tea; i’m saying that we learned how to interact in a respectful and appropriate way. We gave each other advice and prayed for each other. We spent time together and had hour long phone conversations. I’m not advising that you reach out to your significant other’s ex; I’m just saying that it’s possible to form a sisterhood with even the most unlikely woman. Women’s unity is real and possible. I believe that the enemy and society are intentional in keeping women as opponents instead of teammates. Despite what our society may tell us, women are resilient and designed to be the backbone for movements, revolutions, and a strong family structure.
I love my sisters, they keep me strong and love me in the right way in the perfect moments. They keep me alive. Without them, i’d be suffering and alone. Sisterhood is a necessary component in any woman’s life. Even the strongest woman in the world needs a sister.